U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
