I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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