We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
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I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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