I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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