What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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