i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
