I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
