The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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