woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
