i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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