Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
