it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
sarcasm needs its own font
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.