allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.