Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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