Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
tequila makes me forget i have legs
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
i now understand why vodka
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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