Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
