so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
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got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
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Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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