You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
