hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
