Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
