grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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