I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
then he tried to convert me to islam
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
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