it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
