Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
