first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
