Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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