I'm drive I can fine osifer
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
