The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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