i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
