sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I love having hate sex.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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