K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
