Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
