My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
