Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
