Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
