I'm gonna have a badass scar
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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