I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
only if we run a train.
done.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
