did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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