how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
