the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Green mimosas i think yes
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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