my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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