Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
