Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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