I wish i was in the wii world.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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