Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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