I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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