Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
