i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
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You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
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I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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