did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
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just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
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I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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