There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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