There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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