It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
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The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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