just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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