Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
