This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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