Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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