I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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