Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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