I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
