you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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