my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
4 words: hood of his car
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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