Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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