Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
